United Tramps of America

The greyhound from Washington to Boston stopped at New York’s Port Authority Bus Station in the middle of the night……. This place is massive about a hundred times bigger than London’s Victoria! What I didn’t realise was that in the middle of the night the place is a homeless shelter! I don’t think I have ever seen so many tramps!

All the seating areas were taken up, and loadsa ppl were strewn across the floor enjoying some kip. In addition, there were loadsa smelly tramps doing laps inside the station routinely checking the refreshments machines and fone booths for loose change!

I remember us approaching the seating area and thinking shit, why did that damn coach arrive an hour and a half early…. Then we saw some NY coppers who shouted out to the seated ppl……. ‘Right, we’re going to come round and check your bus tickets, if you don’t have one then you’ll have to leave!’ The next scene we witnessed was comical to say the least. One by one the tramps slowly got up and started leaving hahhaha! We quickly sat down on the vacant seats. Behind us there were some tramps pretending to be asleep and refusing to get up. But they soon had to leave too…

We had seen a few days before when on the streets of NY, that tramps were all over the show! We’d see garbage bins (not rubbish, GARBAGE!) being routinely rummaged around to see if any of the trash (not rubbish, TRASH!) contained something tramp-useful. Crazy place.

Whilst queuing up for the coach – the queue started about an hour or so early! – some Mr Nutcase was walking in circles near us talking to himself. It was hilarious! Just like a scene from a movie, mentioning how he’s got out jail, how the world was wrong against him and how he was going to do right. All fighting talk, probably all drugged up too… Well it seemed as though he was just loitering coz he checked the vending machine behind me and went mental over it… but he got on our bus. My idiot mate left his seat vacant next to me as he got up to go the toilet. Mr Nutcase (who has just boarded the bus) sees the vacant seat and thinks its his lucky day. I quickly put my arm out and tiredly said, ‘I’m sorry this seats taken…’ Poor me had just taken my contact lenses out so I couldn’t tell it was him… as I put my arm out I touched him to which he quickly sprung up and yelled ‘Don’t touch me man! I don’t give a fuck!’ I thought shit its Mr Nutcase and said I’m sorry to him and the now captive bus audience… and he left. Needless to say I was not pleased with my mate when he returned from the bus bog, he didn’t have a clue what had happened.

Boston was a lot more tramp free, but they existed nonetheless. This place was a lot more cleaner but I do remember making a call once from a fone booth in the theatre area; as soon as I put the fone down and looked briefly away, some tramp came and checked the booth for some change and then walked away as though he’d done summat normal! I think any normal person would’ve stopped him and hurled abuse at him but me I just stood there and laughed my head off !!!!!!!!!

One thing I learnt then I suppose, America just would not be the same without tramps.

Happy New Year and belated Eid Mubarak

I wish all you bloggers a Happy New Year and a belated Eid Mubarak

What is this rubbish being celebrated on different days? Ours was on Sunday which I wasn’t happy about. Hajj commenced on Friday. No ifs or buts. Eid ul Adha starts the day after, no ifs or buts. So whats the problem?

Have you all got your new years resolutions? Mine is to start eating breakfast, keep my mind active like playing sudoku (or whateva its called) and find myself a wifey!

Been really stressed as of late, it seems to be getting worse... Mid-20s crisis I suppose…

Washington DC

America was full of tramps on every corner of the inner city streets. In NY I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many bin-rummagers!

Part way through my trip I went to visit Washington DC for a day… so went to catch the Greyhound from NY’s Port Authority Bus Station on 42nd Street. The station was massive, and built on several floors like a car park. And inside it was really scummy… The tickets were a bargain too… only $30 return from the internet - that’s like £16-17 return from Preston to London!

We set off at around 9.30am and arrived in DC for about 1.30pm. The ride was boring if I’m honest… not much to look at apart from the different police (badge, cars and uniforms) when you pass from state to state, eg Baltimore, New Jersey, etc. Oh the other thing is that on some stretches of the motorway, normal cars had their own separate dual carriageway from the coaches and heavy goods lorries. Also, the motorways had weigh-in areas for heavy vehicles (like ours) when entering a new state. Anyways, my first impression of Washington greyhound station was wot a dump! It was a lot smaller than NY’s. Walked it to Union Street and from here I could see Capitol Hill. Quickly jumped on a tour bus here and drove past all the boring monuments and memorials that DC is full of… But one thing I noticed: Constitution Avenue has been copied by the Pakis! Islamabad’s Zero Point area where the government buildings are is exactly the same! Long, wide area of road leading to important buildings etc! Crazy fools! Also went to Georgetown, an expensive area of the city, and saw all the embassies. It was interesting to see how all the buildings had been personalised by each country – Finland’s was my fave! Also saw a ridiculously small house there which I was told was still expensive!

After the bus tour, I went to check out the White House which is more or less in the city centre. I think that day Donald Rumsfeld had resigned so Mr Bush was under a lot of pressure from anti-war protestors outside – it was funny to see! And then we caught the subway to the Pentagon, which is across the waters in Virginia. The subway was much cleaner than NY’s and much ‘friendlier’… At the Pentagon, no photos are allowed so we had to be careful but I still managed some snaps hehe…I strayed into a restricted area and straightaway a security with a massive rifle set upon us… well me being the talker explained I was just a tourist and started walking away but the guy pushed his hand out and yelled ‘hold it right there! Blahdee blahdee blah….!’ I was like wtf!

In Washington thy have got a more confusing grid system than NY’s. So I asked someone where the Hard Rock Café was… which is sited next to the place where Lincoln was assassinated. Friendly guy, him and his strong Washington accent (they sound a lot like from the southern states!). Turned out he was a tramp! Homeless! But ex-military? It didn’t make sense… but still I managed to get him to record me some lines from Menace 2 Society – Samuel L Jackson and his infamous shooting scene, ‘Ain’t it about time you gave me my money?!’ hahahahaha! We rewarded him with a drink at the Hard Rock Café which he finished in one gulp…. Funny guy hahahaha

Later, we got lost again, so I asked another passer-by… another tramp! And then another one comes up to help him as well no where! And suddenly they’re both arguing over who should show me the way hehehehe

Overall a bit of a dumpy place… Not the Washington I expected. Too many tramps… which I incidentally noticed all looked like stubbled up Samuel L Jacksons lol! I left around 10pm for an overnight 8-10 hour journey to Boston…

Girls girls girls...

At the age where you want to get married and settled down?
Are you ambitious, want to travel the world, and feel as though you have a void in your life for a special someone?
Do you have a pleasant personality, are cheerful and exclude the word depressed from your vocab?
And do you believe in the powers of the Almighty (saw), and Islam?

If you have answered yes to all these questions, then get in touch!

The list could’ve gone on… but its official: Seabrook Crisps is looking for a she.

The past two weeks I’ve received fone numbers and emails of some girls, and have found myself on msn chatting away trying to find my princess. In case you didn’t know I’m divorced from a silly week-old marriage and because of that some girls have jus turned their back. But I find it rather amazing that some still choose to chat to me – I think it gives a glowing impression of their open mindedness *pat on the back to them…

But yeh basically been overawed by the response… even the radio woman is interested hahaha !

I’m sorry about the absence of blogs, I guess this explains it.
And btw, Blogger Beta is a load of shite.

Fat Joe

Once through security at Chicago, guess who I met?

Fat Joe and the Terror Squad! They were on our plane to NY!
The girls were going crazy over his Luis Vuitton bag.

Overhyped Security

What a place phew! I’m back! I got back yesterday from this coffee obsessed nation.

OK I’ll write up my experience in pieces, because there is so much!

OK well my flight to New York was via Chicago. I travelled with my mate who is a Sikh (who does not have a beard who wear a turban) and we joked about how we could get harassed at the airport by the authorities. As soon as we stepped off the flight we had to show our passports to three homeland police security staff. We went to the male security guy. My mate was fine they let him go. Then my turn… He looks at my passport and then straightaway asks me for my visa waiver form. As soon as he gets it he says ‘ Come follow me please’ without even looking at the form. When he realised I was with my mate he asked him to join us. I looked behind and saw the other two women officers following: one each assigned to us watching our body language like hawks. Well this was so blatant that this was planned by looking at the passenger list; they were after me.

They took us through a back door to a quieter part of the airport straight to a passport terminal desk to check the passports. Along the way so many questions….. directed at me may I add. ‘What do youdo? When I replied electrical engineer, the response was ‘how many volts?’ lmao big time hahahhaaha I went what do you mean how many volts how long is a piece of string I’m in consultancy hahahaha!!!!!!! ‘Who you visiting, how do you know her how long for when did you ring her last etc etc. At the passport desk more questions….. and here I noticed he was scribbling my answers on the back of my visa form in bright red ink. Where do you live, who do you live with, how long you here for blah blah blah… And then they accompanied us to the luggage retrieval area and waited for us to reclaim our bags. It took ages and all the time they were there like hawks – eyes fixed on us…….. me being me was laughing big time lol! I hadn’t seen anything like it!

When we got our luggage we got taken to a less busy area of the airport where or baggage was searched. I noticed that my mate’s bag was hardly searched, whilst mine was searched with a fine toothcomb – every single item, even my underwear! On hindsight I think they only questioned my mate to project an image of them not racial profiling against muslims.

And then the bombshell. The guy flicks through my passport and finds I have been to Pakistan 3 times in less than two years. I knew I was in for it then. Oh dearrrrrrrrrr.
Lets just say I had a hard time justifying why I had been. They wanted to know where I was born, who is in pakistan, where my parents are from where they live where were they born etc etc etc arggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh! Then he says go take a seat I’ll be with you shortly…. And to give an indication of timescales, tells us where the toilets - sorry I meant restrooms - are.

We waited ages. Occasionally we’d see him appear, talk to some staff see him looking edgy and disappear again. Within 10 minutes he came to return my mate’s passport. ‘You’re OK,’ he says to him. ‘I’m still waiting on a fone call for you,’ he says to me. And promptly disappears after reminding me about the restroom AGAIN!

Woah did he make me sit tight….. he would make an appearance now and again…. I’d see him shaking his head with my precious passport in his hand. And at this point it hit me: these guys aren’t gna let me in. I haven’t done ought. Why? I don’t wanna go work tmw! Damn. Bastards. ARgggggggggggggggggggggggggggh!!!!!!!!!!

It was after about half an hour that he returned and gave me back my passport. ‘You’re free to go,’ he calmly announced. Have a good holiday. Again, me being me, I asked him for the red inked paper as a souvenir. He just laughed it off.

I didn’t really know what to make of all that. I’m pretty sure they were expecting me because I’ve never seen homeland security police as you walk off the plane before! I was just grateful I had been allowed for my holiday to continue otherwise I would’ve been one AAAAAAAAAAAnGGrYYY person.

Incidentally, on my return boarding to the UK flight, no one was asked until the very end when one cheeky airport steard staff who wasn’t even security was swiping our passports and stamping our bording tickets as part of the exiting procedure. She swipes my mate’s and its kool. She swipes mine and its horror. Did you pack your bags yourself? I was like eh? She repeated the question a lot more sterner to get my obvious answer and then asks if I am carrying any sharp objects in my hand luggage. NO! You silly woman just stamp my ticket and let me on the plane, I was so pi$$ed off at her – teri himmat!!!!!!!!!!

The Cold Snap

Ramadhan has finished, and it has been over a week since Eid was celebrated. And now the clocks have gone back too, damn! Rozay would’ve been much easier under daylight saving hours!

Now its time to seriously control that flab, I managed to get rid of loads during fasting… but now that I have quit smoking (for good!) the tendency is there for me to try and eat more.

Oh yeh the weather’s freeeeeeeezing I think the cold snapped in today, this morning called for heated seats in the car. Just as well I’m jetting off next week on holiday to NY where I’m kidding myself its gna be warmer, yeh rite!

And the bechari radio presenter was off sick for this morning’s show. Almost pee’d myself watching the first half of Lage Raho Munna Bhai earlier this week, where Sanjay Dutt likes hearing the voice of his local DJ too!

Oh and did you know? I’m going New York on Monday. I keep saying that at work too, doing everyone’s nut in by doing so lol!

Eid Mubarak!!!!!

Mine was on Tuesday...